I AM SORRY
I AM SORRY
For calling the consistency of your embrace “boring.”
For all the times I’m yawning, when you are good.
Better than I’m used to.
But not quite the heavy hit of adrenaline I like to get lost in.
The easy laughter with you on the beach, on the street, anywhere the sun can hit,
I shrug off as, “Sweet for the time being.”
But when everything is crumbling down, you are still smiling at me. You are still here.
It is strange how you can light me up like that.
You whisper into my neck, “Don’t go,” with no hesitancy, like no one ever taught you to cut off The on-line coaching world can be one big CIRCLE JERK (and I am a card carrying member of this club):
> People sharing, promoting, standing up ONLY for those who are within our circle or are seen as “popular,” or who feed our egos. (People we may or may not have met nor know well).
> Applauding male coaches/leaders while not trusting or seeing female coaches/leaders as credible as male coaches, (especially if they defy or stand up against said male coaches, or make any strong stand in general). I see a lot of father/daughter stuff happening (women deeming men as perfect due to the father role they uphold in their lives, and these men celebrating only these “daughters” for “being good”), or just plain old patriarchal nonsense of idolizing/trusting men over women.
> Demanding that we “love” each other, yet having little clarity on what “love” looks like and being more interested in watering down truth and blatantly lying for the sake of “sisterhood/brotherhood.”
> Demanding oneness, empathy, and altruism, while having little desire or inquiry around respect and honesty.
> Maintaining relationship NO MATTER WHAT, because there is never “absolute truth” and therefore all must “suffer each other’s sins” in the name of “unity,” and ALL are accepted in the tribe, REGARDLESS of behavior.
In the spiritual realm we say, “THANK YOU,”
when really we mean,
“FUCK YOU.”
And “fuck you,” in more instances than not, is probably the most loving thing we can actually say.
your ability to want like that.
As if you haven’t watched every woman you love walk away.
As if your entire heart is in tact. Not barely sewn up from lovers gone.
As if it is safe to love like that.
I want to learn to love like that.
Teach me to love like that.
